Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
