you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize