I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
