I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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