grandma shit on top of the toilet
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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