Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
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