Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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