I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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