did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize