She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
We have so much sex to catch up on
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
