the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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