we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize