you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
