Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
