Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
