Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
there is puke in my bra ... again
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
