i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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