hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
