So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
