Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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