I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
