Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
