does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
