he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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