I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
