i'm signing you up for texting rehab
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
