Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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