it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
