i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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