Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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