I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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