i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I showed him my bush... on skype.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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