Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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