last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
areolas are like halos for boobs.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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