Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
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