Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
