At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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