My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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