All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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