A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
