the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
