life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
