the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
