We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Do vagina's smell?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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