News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize