I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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