a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I got inside last night via doggy door
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
