YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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