I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
