I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He? As in you personified your dick?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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