careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
pray to the hookup gods
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
