the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
