my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i just google imaged poop.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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