Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
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