life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
