theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
