Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
