you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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