dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
