Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
