he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
