We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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