So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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