Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
the liver wants what the liver wants
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
