I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
