About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
