I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Holy shit dude........stairs
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
