i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
