On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
