I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize