I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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