i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
