Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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