No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
