is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize