I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
