So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
