idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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