you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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