I hope mine doesn't look like that
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
