I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
