I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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