apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
