i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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