Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
