i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
