strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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