he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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