You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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