...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
