Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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