I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
