I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize