New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
