Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
