i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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