Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
and you fell through a lawn chair
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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