someone owes me an orgasm
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
