I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
If I die, sorry about rent.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
