How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
